Question
How do I manage to slash my toes and legs while shaving them with a Venus curvy razor? I don’t know how they let me exist.
Tags: in the buttThinking
Yes. It’s so very wrong to use your hairband as a bait to your dog. Because one day she’ll just figure out how to get it and chew the shit out of it and ruin it completely. Had it been a piece of sausage or chicken, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now.
Yes, I do talk to myself.
Tags: dogshow, in the buttHow to save the breed you love from the wrong person’s influence.
“Hello?”
“Hi, do you sell bulldogs?”
“Um… I breed french bulldogs, yes.”
“I need a puppy” (desperate voice) “But, I need it this week. Do you have any?”
“No, sorry. Don’t have any puppies available.” [not to you anyway...]
“Well then, can you recommend me a breeder?”
“Sure. Write down her telephone number…” [gives number of reputable breeder]
“But that’s in another STATE. That’s going to be so much more expensive and all.”
“Right.”
“Well, how much are one of these bulldogs type thingys?”
[says price]
“Sheesh! Um, okay, I’ll go look for another breed!”
“How about a toy dog? …Hello? Well, I sure hope she doesn’t look for a TOY BREED…”
Tags: dogs, idiots, in the buttTo do list
Pay fancy company to throw pesticide around once a month or so? Check.
Get out of the house with dogs and spend more than a day away executing a flawless thoroughly thought plan? Check.
Come back before dogs to ultra clean the living room, balcony and kitchen so they can spend half a day without coming down with something like poisoning till tomorrow when someone will clean the whole place? Check.
Successfully keep the dogs out of our rooms? Check.
Have massive allergy attack because my own room is so poisonously filled with venom and spend four hours trying to figure out why my whole face burns like hell? Check, check, fucking check.
Tags: in the buttRepeat after me: Cancel before due date
No, seriously, I must have been super whoreish in another life. Please, commence throwing tomatoes at me.
This morning I took my dogs to the local pet shop so they could spend some time there, have a shower and chill away from here because it’s one of those hardcore venom and ultra cleaning days. We have those about two or three times a month here because it gives me the creeps to even think about ticks or what dangerous stuff could be lurking out of sight. While I miss my doggies terribly, I could rest and aid with the cleaning, as well as organizing some medicines and papers I never seemed to find time to.
But now it’s almost 4 p.m., it’s time to bring them back and the tick-roaches-monster venom guys never came. I called now and they apologized with no good excuse whatsoever and rescheduled for tomorrow instead, so I have to come up with another plan to get the dogs out of the house tomorrow.
I guess we’ll take a walk and then just come up with a plan. Maybe driving around with the air conditioner at full blast is a good idea. Or spend the day at our handler’s and play around with the dogs for a while. Or, I could just cancel on the venom guys, see how THEY feel about that.
Tags: cleaning, dogs, in the buttQuestion
Does everyone now and then miscalculate the right dispenser needed for Jello? Or am I just the only human being in the entire world who realizes halfway to pouring the gelatin mix that it won’t fit?
Tags: cooking, in the butt