The end of life as I knew it
Sitting here, trying to remember when was it, that moment that I knew it was the end of life as I knew it.
When he sat next to me on the first day at school. When he gave me a lick off his ice cream. When my older friend had a crush on him and pointed him out to me. When he called me “Rio girl” that first time. When I saw him for the first time and he strongly reminded me of my favorite celebrity. When I knew I couldn’t possibly have him. When he showed up at my doorstep, different from anything I could have ever expected. When he had this great way of talking to me. When he laid down on my lap. When he seemed like another version of me walking around - that is, a few minutes into knowing him.
Each time, unique and different. And now? “Now I only send it out when I think he might be the one that makes it true.”
A Hundred Hannah’s
Hannah is out of our hystorical litter of eight, in collaboration with our lovely friend Camilli’s Tigre and our Ninna, my first frenchie.
Thanks, Rafaella, for taking great care of our forever tiny baby girl and spoiling her rotten. Couldn’t have picked a better mommy for her. And you do try to help her laying off the liquor, but no such luck yet. And try to make sure she doesn’t spend much time watching TV.
ten letters to no one
1 - Please, if you must do like one of those many people who like to copy my HTML and CSS codes, at least be so kind as to not leave my website name as a metadata keyword. Extra kudos go to those of you who don’t actually copy the entire website. I think some people might have become worked up over google’s newest result number one to a certain keyword we all know.
2 - When I asked if you had free tickets laying around, I didn’t necessarily mean you were welcome to join us. The tickets alone would have been just fine.
3 - If Yaza goes through all the trouble to climb up the sofa to poop, why won’t she hit the newspaper or the grass every once in a while, as a THANK YOU, maybe?
4 - Bizarre moment of the week: “Would you please start updating your blog again? Otherwise, how the hell am I supposed to know what you’re thinking?”
5 - Yes, it was me. I ate all the chips. And I would have done it all over again if I had the choice.
6 - I know you love your work and that you are super busy, but after ten years if you cannot find a sunday to just lay around and keep your promises, then I am truly sorry about your kids and I don’t wanna turn into you, even if it means I’ll have to give up some of my dreams.
7 - I know you told me I couldn’t run from life and my problems, and they are finally catching up with me here. But it’s a mistake I had to make and see for myself. Some problems were indeed solved, but new ones that are somewhat just as nasty as the old ones appeared. You were right. I knew you were right back then, but I wouldn’t have done it any way differently. Thanks for caring, anyway. I love you!
8 - And you. Stop saying we have to stop. You know we won’t. After a while, everything comes back full force, so get over it already. This is it, the Real Deal. And the Real Deal doesn’t know how to wait.
9 - Your webdesign skills suck. And I mean, terrible. The webdesign police should arrest you forever. I’m sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to saying that to you. You’re just so nice…!
10 - Stop talking about my dad like that. Even though I was five when he died, it still hurts to know how everyone robbed him and rioted the car after the accident. I can’t stand it. Stop treating me like I am twelve and I have a curfew. Stop saying good things about them three and only complaining about me. Stop SCREAMING at me, it won’t bring them back, it will only push me away, and we all know how short you are of a real family, so keep close to the ones who haven’t turned their backs on you yet. And I love you in spite of all that, so stop hurting me, it’s killing me and I am one step closer from leaving.
In 2009 I’ll…
These were my resolutions for 2008. And it’s very interesting to see how the year turned out to be one big mess. I didn’t want things to change and yet change they did. I didn’t get to travel as much as I did in 2007 but I came to Sao Paulo. I was quite happy, too. But quite desperate for a while, also. In the end, I didn’t spend new year’s eve with a big smile on my face, but it took me exactly two hours into 2009 to have a big smile on my face.
These are my resolutions for 2009. Happy new -legendary- year. To the sound of Barney Stinson’s Get Psyched mix.
KNOWLEDGE AND LIFEWISE
- Get into ESPM. This is my primary life goal right now and I need to do any and everything for this to happen.
- Get a job. I would love for it to be advertisement related or even web related. But maybe I’m not ready yet. Who knows? Well, I just need a new job.
- Get a driver’s license. 22 and doesn’t know how to drive a car. The shame.
MONEY AND CONSUMISM
- Get a laptop. Macbookmacbookmacbook.
- Get an iPhone. I need a new phone. I need technology wherever I go. Siriusly.
LEISURE AND MUST-DO’S
- Travel to Rio and BH.
- Go to a concert.
- Do something towards getting out of the country. Learn a new language or getting a freaking passport would be a start.
FRENCHIES AND BREEDING
- Take it easy and not fret over it. It’s gonna be the second year with no litters. And most likely, no new frenchies either.
- Take the time to learn how to best show frenchies.
IMPROVING SELF-NESS
- Try and work out inner issues. Try to be a better person. Try to ennunciate feelings more often. Try not to shut into own shell of thoughts while others are clueless.
- Stop trying to build bridges and leave ways open. If people like you and want to reach you, that’s their problem. If they really do, then they most likely will, even if they have to work for it.
In 2008 I…
Figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Lost my ground like I never had. Thought I was never gonna be able to do anything with my life anymore. Got into college twice. Got a job. Quit my job. Dropped out of college twice. Got chickenpox. Showed a dog myself for the first time. Burned my tongue with very hot pepper. Wanted to say ‘I love you’ but held it back. Laughed while on the computer. Made the worst decision ever. Was in serious pain. Fell out of love. Fell in love. Got my favorite dog so far. Wanted to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Didn’t see neither. Missed someone I had never seen in person. Confessed my feelings. Had my heart broken. Had my heart mended. Broke a heart. Was left with no answer. Got the worst answer possible. Didn’t lose hope. Got first place on a placing exam. Cried so much I thought I was going to dehydrate. Fell apart from some friends. Spent the weekend watching tv shows and eating junk food. Could swear I could live off sushi for the rest of my life. Got drunk. Moved cities. Saw people I love in a hospital bed. Held back tears with a smile.
And I know it sounds kinda awful, but I can’t consider it a bad year. Sure, I really want people to heal, my family practically owns a hospital wing by now, it’s awful. But I have goals now. I was aimless for the longest time. I know there is a lot on the bad side, but I keep looking at the bright side and my heart explodes with happy feelings. A lot has changed and I am glad I get to move on to see where my choices will lead me to. I am prepared to take the consequences, the good and the bad, and fight for the things I want.
Let 2009 begin.