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In 2008 I…

Figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Lost my ground like I never had. Thought I was never gonna be able to do anything with my life anymore. Got into college twice. Got a job. Quit my job. Dropped out of college twice. Got chickenpox. Showed a dog myself for the first time. Burned my tongue with very hot pepper. Wanted to say ‘I love you’ but held it back. Laughed while on the computer. Made the worst decision ever. Was in serious pain. Fell out of love. Fell in love. Got my favorite dog so far. Wanted to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Didn’t see neither. Missed someone I had never seen in person. Confessed my feelings. Had my heart broken. Had my heart mended. Broke a heart. Was left with no answer. Got the worst answer possible. Didn’t lose hope. Got first place on a placing exam. Cried so much I thought I was going to dehydrate. Fell apart from some friends. Spent the weekend watching tv shows and eating junk food. Could swear I could live off sushi for the rest of my life. Got drunk. Moved cities. Saw people I love in a hospital bed. Held back tears with a smile.

And I know it sounds kinda awful, but I can’t consider it a bad year. Sure, I really want people to heal, my family practically owns a hospital wing by now, it’s awful. But I have goals now. I was aimless for the longest time. I know there is a lot on the bad side, but I keep looking at the bright side and my heart explodes with happy feelings. A lot has changed and I am glad I get to move on to see where my choices will lead me to. I am prepared to take the consequences, the good and the bad, and fight for the things I want.

Let 2009 begin.

Thinking

I wonder if Yaza knows when she needs to go number two. I always know it. I mean, smell it beforehand. I hope she does too, because it means I’m not suffering alone from all this stench. Please, one tiny dog. Please!

Marley Sobfest

It was a sobfest. I can’t remember the last time I saw that many people walk out of a movie theatre like that, in tears. Maybe Titanic?

Having said that, it was a suckfest too. The book is way superior. Although nothing tops the scene where he jumps out of the car. And what about John’s accent, wtf? And too many changes on the plotline. Meh.

Well, it’s worth going to. And the ending is beautiful.

Not a breeder

I don’t think I’m a breeder.

Not while every fucking scumbag in this country who go to dogshows and stick their dogs into tiny kennels for over three months until the next dogshow and have litters to sell puppies (to anyone who can afford) call themselves breeders.

Then no, I am not a breeder. I’m just a dork who has a survey form and way too much time in their hands to actually bend over pedigrees and exams and standards and pictures and emails with people involved with the breed around the globe, not to mention to actually give love and attention to those who are not, by the way, fucking objects with no feelings. This is what I am, I am that dork.

Seriously, I’m glad I moved. The problems are still the same, sure, but the scum I had to put up with at the other town, whoa. If I never see them again, it will be too early. They are the very reason I scan prospect owners.

Survey and SEO

I am very pleased with my Puppy Inquiry Form on the Chantilly Exclusive website. The amount of unsuitable people that look for frenchies and email me have dropped considerably. Now I only have few selected emails a day and I can tend to them correctly by referring another ethic breeders or giving them predictions on when my next litter will be due. 2009 doesn’t look like it, probably, but there are people who are willing to wait. How cool is that?

Speaking of the website, I restructured it last June. It was a small website and I was not at all happy with it. I wanted to add a few pages on the breed and how I took on the whole deal of becoming a breeder and what came with this decision. I knew I had to rebuild a huge part of it and that it would drop on google results. Eventually, when google caught up with the changes, we left the fourth or fifth place we used to have when searching for “bulldog frances” on google Brazil and after about two months, we were back on the first page but as the last result. As this affected greatly on our pageviews and visitors, I didn’t really mind. I trusted my studies. Well, around September it was back to the top as number six result. And as I was looking at the statistics the other day, I was stunned at how many visitors I was getting. When I went to google, we were number two! I am so happy, especially because there are more things that I can think of to improve the SEO, I just have to get around to that.

Going back to the first topic, I am also stunned at the forms I’ve been receiving. Intelligent, well educated people looking for frenchies to add to their families. No one that intends to breed. They know that it’s a tough job. Most of them are willing to spay/neuter their dogs and no mentions of “it’s mah damn dog and I cans do what I wants with it, if I has moneh, you gon sell me da dog, you hear me woman?”. Instead, I am left satisfied with these people, knowing that when the time comes for me to have babies again, I will be able to find awesome families for them.

All I want for christmas is…

Dear santa, here’s the list, yo. Get on it stat, mkay?

• Christmas Miracle: Abu to wake up in the hospital and start talking to everyone. It’s been too long already and we miss you like hell.
• Certain people to make up their minds and let me know. Good news are much appreciated and always preferred. Seriously, I’m in pain here.

If santa is not too busy, perhaps he can bring these secondary things:

• My PC and some books from Fortaleza.
• iPod AC charger + new dock.
• Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, harcover, US Edition.
• Cute sweater.
• Once DVD.

And if santa is feeling particularly generous… He would make 2009 a much more anticipated year if I got one of those beauties:

• Macbook. Any will do. I swear, I’m not too picky.
• iPhone.
• Stereo system with iPod dock.

This will do. Thankies.

Heartache

I have just realized something that may be quite obvious to all humanity, but to me it was never clear.

Whenever I saw in the movies women having their heart broken by their boyfriends, I didn’t quite realize what they were going through afterwards. The guy would always come over afterwards, beg for her forgiveness and she wouldn’t take it. Of course not, he was a scumbag, he cheated, he never called, he broke up with her on her birthday, he killed her dog, or something like that.

But what the hell? Why was she crying? Why was this so difficult for her? Why was she so torn? Facts don’t lie, he is a jerk.

Well, now I see. The act of screwing up, not meeting minimum expectations, or better yet, the act of being a jerk does not make the woman fall out of love with the guy. No, she still loves him, except now she’s aching because she knows that things will never go back to being the way they were. She knows that he didn’t call, didn’t show up, didn’t say “I love you” back. And this is never happening again, this was it and it’s gone. Love is still there, is still intact. But trust? Pride, memories? These are broken for good. And there is an intense agony going on, the kind that never goes away, when you brush your teeth, when you wake up, when you walk your dog. It’s there. And it hurts because you want to smack that son of a bitch in the head and say, “why did you have to fuck things over? Why?”.

And if that person can get over what really happened, all the bad spots and fuckups, and just leave the love part intact and get over that intense and severe agony and make things work again, nowadays, I am all for it. I think it’s noble and wonderful. We only also get one shot at life, you know?

Just my two philosophical cents of the day. And what a day that was.